tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 14, 2017 23:46:52 GMT -5
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 17, 2017 17:28:30 GMT -5
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 19, 2017 0:31:43 GMT -5
My New Year's resolution for 2010 is to stop leaving everything so late.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 19, 2017 0:34:20 GMT -5
How many people with no sense of humor does it take to change a light bulb? One.
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NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Post by NoNamePerson on Jan 19, 2017 9:39:33 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 19, 2017 22:10:07 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 27, 2017 12:33:19 GMT -5
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Jan 27, 2017 17:11:30 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 29, 2017 0:14:26 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Jan 29, 2017 0:35:22 GMT -5
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Feb 1, 2017 1:59:03 GMT -5
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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NoNamePerson
Distinguished Associate
Is There Anybody OUT There?
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Location: WITNESS PROTECTION
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Post by NoNamePerson on Feb 1, 2017 18:42:42 GMT -5
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. A sound unlike anything he's ever heard before. The Sirens that nearly seduced Odysseus into crashing his ship comes to his mind. He doesn't sleep that night. He tosses and turns trying to figure out what could possibly be making such a seductive sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." Distraught, the man is forced to leave. Years later, after never being able to forget that sound, the man goes back to the monastery and pleads for the answer again. The monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk."
The man says, "If the only way I can find out what is making that beautiful sound is to become a monk, then please, make me a monk." The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of grains of sand. When you find these answers, you will have become a monk." The man sets about his task.
After years of searching he returns as a gray-haired old man and knocks on the door of the monastery. A monk answers. He is taken before a gathering of all the monks. "In my quest to find what makes that beautiful sound, I traveled the earth and have found what you asked for: By design, the world is in a state of perpetual change. Only God knows what you ask. All a man can know is himself, and only then if he is honest and reflective and willing to strip away self deception." The monks reply, "Congratulations. You have become a monk. We shall now show you the way to the mystery of the sacred sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is beyond that door."
The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man is given the key to the stone door and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. And so it went that he needed keys to doors of emerald, pearl and diamond.
Finally, they come to a door made of solid gold. The sound has become very clear and definite. The monks say, "This is the last key to the last door."
The man is apprehensive to no end. His life's wish is behind that door! With trembling hands, he unlocks the door, turns the knob, and slowly pushes the door open. Falling to his knees, he is utterly amazed to discover the source of that haunting and seductive sound...... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
But, of course, I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.
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tigerpause
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Post by tigerpause on Feb 9, 2017 1:15:14 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Post by wyouser on Feb 10, 2017 11:34:28 GMT -5
This is no joke. It actually occurred? It seems 5 buddies decided to tie one of their group across the hood of their car. The other four put on "moose heads" and quaint little bright fluorescent orange hunting caps and proceeded out onto I-35. They caused 16 accidents, and of course they were arrested by the police. And, yes, alcohol was involved, thereby proving again that little groups of men CANNOT be left alone unsupervised.
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
Joined: Dec 20, 2010 21:58:42 GMT -5
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 10, 2017 12:48:47 GMT -5
Not really a joke but good rhythm.
What does your washing machine play?
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 27, 2024 9:31:35 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2017 21:58:50 GMT -5
The song "It's raining men" always confused me... wouldn't that make an absolute mess with all those men splatting to their deaths when they hit the ground?
Why would you make a happy ("hallelujah" is in the lyrics) song like that?
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Feb 14, 2017 18:07:13 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 17, 2017 22:12:08 GMT -5
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Deleted
Joined: Oct 27, 2024 9:31:35 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2017 23:21:54 GMT -5
Brain teaser: Q: If you are 5 miles away from the South Pole, is it possible to walk 10 miles "Due South"? A: Yes You just have to walk the first 5 miles "Due South", then you walk 5 miles North, then turn back and walk the second 5 miles "Due South".
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citizensunite
Established Member
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Posts: 385
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Post by citizensunite on Feb 21, 2017 8:59:41 GMT -5
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zibazinski
Community Leader
Joined: Dec 24, 2010 16:12:50 GMT -5
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Post by zibazinski on Feb 21, 2017 9:28:35 GMT -5
The song "It's raining men" always confused me... wouldn't that make an absolute mess with all those men splatting to their deaths when they hit the ground? Why would you make a happy ("hallelujah" is in the lyrics) song like that? Depends on what men are going splat whether I sing Hallelujah or not.
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Feb 24, 2017 19:06:06 GMT -5
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Tennesseer
Member Emeritus
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Post by Tennesseer on Feb 24, 2017 23:47:25 GMT -5
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Feb 26, 2017 0:14:40 GMT -5
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 2, 2017 0:13:43 GMT -5
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tigerpause
Junior Associate
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Post by tigerpause on Mar 12, 2017 10:24:32 GMT -5
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wyouser
Senior Associate
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Post by wyouser on Mar 13, 2017 14:31:54 GMT -5
I went out drinking last year on St. Patrick's Day so I took a bus home. Ok, Ok, that may not be a big deal to any of you....but....I'd never driven a bus before.......
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zibazinski
Community Leader
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Post by zibazinski on Mar 13, 2017 20:59:44 GMT -5
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wyouser
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Jokes
Mar 14, 2017 10:13:55 GMT -5
Post by wyouser on Mar 14, 2017 10:13:55 GMT -5
What do they call the Irish Jig at McDonalds?........A Sham Rock!
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wyouser
Senior Associate
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Post by wyouser on Mar 15, 2017 12:18:16 GMT -5
How did the Irish Jig get started?.....Too much to drink and not enough bathrooms!
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