steff
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Post by steff on Jul 8, 2011 13:42:50 GMT -5
babies are always oozing some nasty smell or goop....
My kiddo is 17....all our friends just started having babies a couple of years ago. They are always looking at us and asking "so when are yall gonna have another one". I'm too close to the finish line to go all the way back to start with an oozing baby. Ain't happening. I'm 42 and IMO way too old to start again.... and I don't wanna!
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 8, 2011 13:51:34 GMT -5
Seriously, though, watching a baby for a weekend won't kill Baby Fever. Living as if you already pay FT daycare might, though. Is she willing to give up $1200/mo (or more) in your budget? Try doing that for six months and see how she feels. PUt it in the baby savings fund. And add in all the no-spending on yourselves because it's cultural thing can go in that pot too.
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telephus44
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Post by telephus44 on Jul 8, 2011 14:03:13 GMT -5
We did was drama did. We weren't sure if we wanted 1 or 2, so I had a Mirena and we gave ourselves 5 years to decide. We did decide to go for the 2nd, and I had it taken out in Jan. We've already decided that after #2 gets here DGH is getting snipped. I'd rather have something more permanent at this point. I don't want to be the woman who has an oops baby at 45.
And yes, baby fever can strike at all ages, anytime. Since we're TTC, I started visiting some of the baby boards - I love reading all the posts that begin "I peed twice this morning and felt tired when I got up - do you think I'm pregnant?"
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 8, 2011 14:14:27 GMT -5
Saturday night, right in between of you know what, my wife said: Why don't we get pregnant?BTW, your wife is a genius. I can get DH to say yes to anything while in the midst of sex. No, that's just common knowledge for a woman. So what's a sexy way to bring up needing new bath towels?
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 8, 2011 14:15:25 GMT -5
...:::"Don't people only resort to that after they have been trying for a few months and have not had any success?":::... Most people also wait until after pregnancy is confirmed before starting a registry (not two registries). This is Mrs. C we are talking about here ...:::"Living as if you already pay FT daycare might, though. Is she willing to give up $1200/mo (or more) in your budget? Try doing that for six months and see how she feels.":::... Either that, or approximate the SAHM lifestyle by banking her ENTIRE income and living only off yours.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 8, 2011 14:18:09 GMT -5
my DH's biological clock ticks so loudly, it's like a hammer to my brain. Mine, however, is apparently broken
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2011 14:20:20 GMT -5
I read somewhere that babies heads give off pheromones that make you want babies! Whenever I go to see a baby DH tells me not to smell them. Tell your wife to dream of the life that she'd like to have with your children and then start saving for it. That will buy you some time! Siblings - my brother and I are three years apart and got along great as children. DH and his sibling were 2 years apart exactly and their sibling rivalry is epic and continues to this day. It's a crapshoot.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 8, 2011 14:21:36 GMT -5
I read somewhere that babies heads give off pheromones that make you want babies! Ahh so my baby fever should go away when I am done pumping. The lacation room is in the L&D ward so I am surrounded by new babies!
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 8, 2011 14:23:08 GMT -5
Oh my god, I've been pregnant since I was 17! Eep!
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on Jul 8, 2011 14:23:07 GMT -5
Don't people only resort to that after they have been trying for a few months and have not had any success? MOst normal people do, but I think there are some type A's who do that immediately. I tried for 3 years and never got to that point. I just took the drugs and hoped for the best. Lemme tell you, scheduled sex is just awful. Haha, I did that stuff BEFORE we started trying to get pregnant. I'm not comfortable with hormonal birth control (it makes me insanely emotional- like bipolar type moods swings), so charting my fertility and using ovulation tests was our birth control method before we started trying to get pregnant. Edited because I accidentally posted before I was finished typing.
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on Jul 8, 2011 14:28:27 GMT -5
We did was drama did. We weren't sure if we wanted 1 or 2, so I had a Mirena and we gave ourselves 5 years to decide. We did decide to go for the 2nd, and I had it taken out in Jan. We've already decided that after #2 gets here DGH is getting snipped. I'd rather have something more permanent at this point. I don't want to be the woman who has an oops baby at 45. And yes, baby fever can strike at all ages, anytime. Since we're TTC, I started visiting some of the baby boards - I love reading all the posts that begin "I peed twice this morning and felt tired when I got up - do you think I'm pregnant?" Ugh and all the "I cried at a sad movie yesterday so I must be having early mood swings" "I had a dream that I was pregnant so it must be true!" Then when you get pregnant and go on the due date boards, you'll see "I'm 5 weeks pregnant and i SWEAR i felt the baby kick" Some people are just kind of retarded.
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sarcasticgirl
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Post by sarcasticgirl on Jul 8, 2011 14:30:07 GMT -5
babies just make me want to give them back to their mamas!
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 8, 2011 14:33:29 GMT -5
"I had a dream that I was pregnant so it must be true!" That actually did happen to me. I had a dream that morning that I peed on a stick and it came out positive. I thought there was no way in heck that it could be right so I decided I'd go ahead and take it now instead. Up came two pink lines! You could have knocked me over with a feather! I don't think the two were really linked it just happened to be on my mind because we were TTC and I was already two weeks late, but it makes for a fun story to tell. ;D
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 8, 2011 14:35:18 GMT -5
babies just make me want to give them back to their mamas! Same here. I won't even hold babies. Call me mean, but, yeah... just call me mean.
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on Jul 8, 2011 14:35:27 GMT -5
Good luck on getting her to wait a few more years. When the baby bug bites, it bites hard. I would get so upset with DH when he kept putting it off. For him, it was about money. For me, it was a very emotional thing. It took a lot of tears, a lot of pleading my case, and a lot of budgeting to show DH we were ready to start trying for a baby.
For the sake of your wife's emotions, please don't be too hard on her about this issue. If you can afford it, and it isn't an emotional issue for her, let her start trying when she is ready. I can't tell you how much it hurt to see all my friends having babies and me feeling held back by my DH. Plus, you might end up one of the 20% of people who lose a pregnancy (like I was...twice in a row). Although I know it is not DH's fault, part of me feels some resentment about the fact that he made me wait. Had we started trying sooner, I might already be a mother. You don't want to put your wife through that.
I'm not trying to turn this into a therapy session for me or anything, DH and I worked through this already, but I wanted to give you some perspective of what your wife might be feeling.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 8, 2011 14:41:59 GMT -5
"I had a dream that I was pregnant so it must be true!" That actually did happen to me. I had a dream that morning that I peed on a stick and it came out positive. I thought there was no way in heck that it could be right so I decided I'd go ahead and take it now instead. Up came two pink lines! You could have knocked me over with a feather! I don't think the two were really linked it just happened to be on my mind because we were TTC and I was already two weeks late, but it makes for a fun story to tell. ;D I pee'd on a stick mainly so I could rule out pregnancy. I'd been feeling crappy for 4+ weeks and was going to go to the doctor to figure out what was up. We weren't trying, we weren't supposed to be able to get pregnant without help AND I was on the pill. ETA I think my response was Oh My God and Shit. Then telling Scott.
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Formerly SK
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Post by Formerly SK on Jul 8, 2011 14:42:37 GMT -5
babies just make me want to give them back to their mamas! Same here. I won't even hold babies. Call me mean, but, yeah... just call me mean. A few years ago DH and I left the kids with my IL and went to a friend's house for a dinner party. I'd been with the kids 24/7 for weeks (they were 3&2 at the time) and desperately needed a break. At one point during the evening our friend suggested I hold his infant child so he could go relax with the guys and I said no. Everyone was startled by my response. I felt badly, but there was no freakin' way I was holding a child on my evening off.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 8, 2011 14:45:51 GMT -5
I think my response was Oh My God and Shit. Then telling ScottIt's okay, I was trying and I still said "You are shitting me!" when two lines came up, I even went out and bought two more tests to be sure. THEN I told DH.
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on Jul 8, 2011 14:46:47 GMT -5
"I had a dream that I was pregnant so it must be true!" That actually did happen to me. I had a dream that morning that I peed on a stick and it came out positive. I thought there was no way in heck that it could be right so I decided I'd go ahead and take it now instead. Up came two pink lines! You could have knocked me over with a feather! I don't think the two were really linked it just happened to be on my mind because we were TTC and I was already two weeks late, but it makes for a fun story to tell. ;D I pee'd on a stick mainly so I could rule out pregnancy. I'd been feeling crappy for 4+ weeks and was going to go to the doctor to figure out what was up. We weren't trying, we weren't supposed to be able to get pregnant without help AND I was on the pill. ETA I think my response was Oh My God and Shit. Then telling Scott. You sound like a good friend of mine. She and her husband tried for years with fertility treatments. After she finally had her first child (a son), she was breastfeeding and on the pill. She was still feeling pregnant 3 months later, so she decided to put her mind at ease. Sure enough, she was expecting again. Her daughter was born roughly one week shy of her son's 1st b'day. She now has a Norplant in her arm
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steff
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Post by steff on Jul 8, 2011 14:48:14 GMT -5
I also won't hold babies. I've told friends BEFORE they delivered, "don't be offended if I don't want to hold the baby"...and most understood that I'm just not babyfriendly....only one got all twisted over it. I'll say they are cute & adorable (even if they aren't), give you a really nice gift, but don't make me hold that baby....they ooze ughy stuff all the time.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2011 14:49:04 GMT -5
My wife was crying (not for joy) when she found out she was pregnant. She took the test to rule it out as well.
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Cookies Galore
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Post by Cookies Galore on Jul 8, 2011 14:49:32 GMT -5
I also won't hold babies. I've told friends BEFORE they delivered, "don't be offended if I don't want to hold the baby"...and most understood that I'm just not babyfriendly....only one got all twisted over it. I'll say they are cute & adorable (even if they aren't), give you a really nice gift, but don't make me hold that baby....they ooze ughy stuff all the time. Lol, if they're ugly (and they usually are the first couple of months) I just say "look at you!"
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 8, 2011 14:54:35 GMT -5
...:::"f you can afford it, and it isn't an emotional issue for her, let her start trying when she is ready. I can't tell you how much it hurt to see all my friends having babies and me feeling held back by my DH. Plus, you might end up one of the 20% of people who lose a pregnancy (like I was...twice in a row).":::...
I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you and your husband worked through it, and I hope things work out soon.
But...
It can't be all peaches for cawiau either. SOMEONE has to be the responsible one. It is NOT fun to have people crapping on you because you aren't willing to throw caution to the wind. Their finances are NOT ready for a kid right now, unless they make some serious changes in both attitude and lifestyle. If they have a kid before at the very least, the CC and cars are paid off, then they will be fighting constantly about money. They may be stuck in debt for decades if they have to use CCs to cover the shortfall, and that does not make a happy home to raise a kid in.
Yes, there is a possibility it won't go to plan -- that is life. Hell, there are times I've guilted myself into carrying a bunch of DFs stuff downstairs for her (even though she said she would) because I'd feel rotten if she slipped with a heavy load and fell down the stairs and hurt herself. But that is very dangerous thinking because there is no way I can avoid every chance that bad stuff might happen. There is just no way.
ETA: This is just a new area to apply the same dynamic/argument that cawiau and his wife have been having since the day they met. She wants "it" "now" and he wants to build a solid foundation first. Neither is right or wrong, though we as YM tend to side toward the responsible planner. But since both approaches are mutually exclusive, it is a constant tug of war for both of them.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 8, 2011 14:54:43 GMT -5
I pee'd on a stick mainly so I could rule out pregnancy. I'd been feeling crappy for 4+ weeks and was going to go to the doctor to figure out what was up. We weren't trying, we weren't supposed to be able to get pregnant without help AND I was on the pill. ETA I think my response was Oh My God and Shit. Then telling Scott. You sound like a good friend of mine. She and her husband tried for years with fertility treatments. After she finally had her first child (a son), she was breastfeeding and on the pill. She was still feeling pregnant 3 months later, so she decided to put her mind at ease. Sure enough, she was expecting again. Her daughter was born roughly one week shy of her son's 1st b'day. She now has a Norplant in her arm Yeah, when DD was about 10 months old, DH said "you are pregnant." "I am not." "you are." "am not." "Fine, I'll take the damn test to prove I'm not pregnant." Got a positive. Took me months to wrap my brain around being pregnant again and happy about it. And DH got snipped when DS was about 6 months old. And I have a sneaky suspicion that I miscarried when DS was about 8-9 months old as we had a condom mishap and shortly after that my milk supply tanked like a rock and came back up after I'd decided I was done pumping.
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Wisconsin Beth
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Post by Wisconsin Beth on Jul 8, 2011 14:57:50 GMT -5
...:::"f you can afford it, and it isn't an emotional issue for her, let her start trying when she is ready. I can't tell you how much it hurt to see all my friends having babies and me feeling held back by my DH. Plus, you might end up one of the 20% of people who lose a pregnancy (like I was...twice in a row).":::... I'm very sorry you had to go through this. I'm glad you and your husband worked through it, and I hope things work out soon. But... It can't be all peaches for cawiau either. SOMEONE has to be the responsible one. It is NOT fun to have people crapping on you because you aren't willing to throw caution to the wind. Their finances are NOT ready for a kid right now, unless they make some serious changes in both attitude and lifestyle. If they have a kid before at the very least, the CC and cars are paid off, then they will be fighting constantly about money. They may be stuck in debt for decades if they have to use CCs to cover the shortfall, and that does not make a happy home to raise a kid in. Yes, there is a possibility it won't go to plan -- that is life. Hell, there are times I've guilted myself into carrying a bunch of DFs stuff downstairs for her (even though she said she would) because I'd feel rotten if she slipped with a heavy load and fell down the stairs and hurt herself. But that is very dangerous thinking because there is no way I can avoid every chance that bad stuff might happen. There is just no way. I'm wondering if Cawiau's wife's mom would spring for some of the SLs if/when they get pregnant. She's pushing for grandchildren, right?
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thyme4change
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Post by thyme4change on Jul 8, 2011 15:02:00 GMT -5
ROFL. Yes, some people are just kind of retarded.
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NomoreDramaQ1015
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Post by NomoreDramaQ1015 on Jul 8, 2011 15:03:45 GMT -5
It is NOT fun to have people crapping on you because you aren't willing to throw caution to the wind
I don't think he needs to throw caution to the wind, I think that he needs to like you said not play Devil's Advocate.
He also needs to be upfront about whether or not he wants kids because putting up roadblocks only works until the spouse meets them or decides "You know what, I can live without travel, I want a baby!".
THEN what do you do?
If he doesn't want them or doesn't want them at this time that is totally fine, but he needs to make that 100% clear to her.
And if he does want them then he needs to talk to her about WHEN they might start trying. DH and I bounced around when I'd go off the pill, the first one didn't work because he lost his job and I lost mine.
Second go around when we both decided we were ready worked and now we had DD.
Nothing good comes out of one spouse having baby fever and the other hmming and hawing. Which is what I am betting OP's wife took his "devil's advocate" speech as, he is just darn lucky she talked herself out of it.
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Frugal Nurse
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Post by Frugal Nurse on Jul 8, 2011 15:10:41 GMT -5
...:::"f you can afford it, and it isn't an emotional issue for her, let her start trying when she is ready. I can't tell you how much it hurt to see all my friends having babies and me feeling held back by my DH. Plus, you might end up one of the 20% of people who lose a pregnancy (like I was...twice in a row).":::... But... It can't be all peaches for cawiau either. SOMEONE has to be the responsible one. It is NOT fun to have people crapping on you because you aren't willing to throw caution to the wind. Their finances are NOT ready for a kid right now, unless they make some serious changes in both attitude and lifestyle. ETA: This is just a new area to apply the same dynamic/argument that cawiau and his wife have been having since the day they met. She wants "it" "now" and he wants to build a solid foundation first. Neither is right or wrong, though we as YM tend to side toward the responsible planner. But since both approaches are mutually exclusive, it is a constant tug of war for both of them. I don't remember much about his finances, so that is why I said IF they can afford it. I completely agree that just having kids just because you want to, without thinking through and planning for the logistics, would be very irresponsible. I just get this vibe from Cawiau that he likes to do things his way, without taking his wife's feelings into consideration.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 8, 2011 15:13:18 GMT -5
Deleted because of double posting.
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8 Bit WWBG
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Post by 8 Bit WWBG on Jul 8, 2011 15:14:30 GMT -5
...:::"He also needs to be upfront about whether or not he wants kids because putting up roadblocks only works until the spouse meets them or decides "You know what, I can live without travel, I want a baby!".":::...
I think he wants kids too, as the "3-5 years from now" time frame has been pretty consistent. It would put them both right at age 30, which seems like it allows them more than enough time to do a bit more living, a bit more foundation building, and be set in whichever career is going to be the breadwinner.
There is also an art to dealing with a spouse who like to "think out loud". It is possible that Mrs. Cawiau was not actually saying "knock me up this instant", but rather she just sort of verbalized her thoughts even though the ideas weren't fully baked yet.
If your spouse is this way, but you always respond as if they were saying exactly what they wanted, big fights can happen. Only cawiau can know whether its best to actively resist, play devil's advocate, or just sort of nod and respond with a non-committal "interesting", then let it run its course.
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